16 January 2011
Since arriving in Madrid, I've lacked the energy required to hoist my body up and out of bed like a normal person each day, resulting in a new and abnormal morning ritual of literally rolling out of bed after groggily responding to my eleventh snooze alarm.
I guess that's what happens when you finally fall asleep at 4:00 a.m. and still try to wake yourself up before 7:00?
I attribute it to the torrent of thoughts stewing in my mind and my usual case of January blues. I'm at another fork in the road, and I've really got to figure out where I want my life to go over the course of the next few months. I'm torn in so many different directions, and, man, it's stressful.
So, after the thirty or so minutes it took for my mind to put together coherent thoughts this morning, I decided to make plans for the day to do something new to alleviate my stress. I decided to meditate.
Now, I don't know where this idea came from. I've never meditated before, and, honestly, I've never wanted to. But, I'll remind you, I've been running on minimal zzz's.
Meditation, the practice of deeply focusing on calming the body and mind, requires a still body, an unwavering mind and completely focused concentration. I am terrible at all of these things. My mind is constantly wandering off on different tangents and I have perpetual ants in my pants. I have tried Wii Fit's Lotus Focus, a game with the objective of sitting still on the Wii Balance Board to keep an onscreen candle aflame. Move the slightest muscle and the light extinguishes. That's one of the hardest games I've ever played. I fail every time after about five seconds. I'd totally rather run and jump and sweat and grunt through it all. But not today. Today I found a sunny patch on a grassy knoll in el Parque Oeste and parked it for my first meditation session ever.
I researched basic meditation for beginners online and found that one of the most elemental requisites is that the meditator close his or her eyes and sit in a comfortable position with a straight back to promote focus and awareness. It's vital to breathe slowly and deeply, concentrating solely on each breath, each inhale and each exhale, and nothing else. The case of the wandering mind is expected upon first try, but one must try to immediately return to focus on breathing rather than react to tangent thoughts. A good meditation session can last around fifteen minutes.
For the first minute spent on my stake of grass, I felt like a total goob, wondering what passers-by must think of me. I felt vulnerable closing my eyes in the middle of a public park, and when I heard a dog collar jingle jangle nearby I feared for a brief moment that the canine would pee on me. Fortunately, he didn't, and I remained pee-free.
Back to breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. I imagined the air's path through my body. I tried to keep as still as possible while maintaining my proper posture. I took deeper and deeper breaths. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
I couldn't help my mind from wandering. From thinking of a good tapas place in the city to wondering why Albert Einstein is considered the greatest genius of all time and picturing the famous photo of him with his tongue sticking out to trying to estimate the number of people meditating, or attempting to meditate, worldwide at the exact same time as me, my mind was everywhere but where it should have been.
And, of course, the big questions crossed my mind. Where am I going to live in two months? What is my Personal Legend? What do I really want to be when I grow up? All the biggies that have been plaguing me into the wee hours of my mornings.
Despite my mind's many distractions, I did fall into a quiet state of serenity at one point and felt complete silence for a lengthy amount of time. I lulled into something; I wouldn't call it sleep. Perhaps I was actually meditating for a few minutes?! Crazier things have happened...
I opened my eyes, checked the time on my iPhone and realized I had been sitting in the grass for nineteen minutes. Time had gone by much faster than expected, and I felt significantly refreshed upon standing. Perhaps I really did take a short power nap; perhaps I tricked myself into thinking the meditation had worked. Whatever it was, I felt...different. I felt better.
Meditation wasn't as painful as I expected. I am pleasantly surprised at how equally peaceful and alive I felt upon finishing up. It was a rewarding experience. For now, I'll conduct more research on the benefits and art of meditation, and I'll surely try it again in the near future. I am intrinsically drawn to more assertive forms of stress-relief like cardio exercise or blasting music, but I will surely consider meditation as an alternative next time. I'm glad I gave it a try, and hopefully I'll be able to use it as a tool to reduce stress and anxiety and increase my creativity and understanding of my place in the world.
